I decided to do something different this week. I decided to put my old dusty professional hat on and write this post for Friday Reflections. You see, this prompt came up: Why is it important to sit back and reflect on your week? How is weekly reflection making an impact on yourlife?
Self reflection is something I am very passionate about and as I started to write I felt dissatisfied until I started writing constructively and giving information to help with the reflective process. I have found in my experience that many people use the term ‘reflection’ to convey a process they use, yet it may not be as effective as it could be.
So I hope you like this piece. I hope you find it helpful and if anyone has any questions or would like extra information on any of it just give me a tinkle.
The Art of Reflection
I learnt the value of self reflection twenty years ago, thankfully when I was very young. I say that because it is such a gift to understand the importance of tasks like this and so many people don’t get it until a lot later in life.
Self reflection is ‘experiential learning’. Which is one of the most powerful learning tools you can use. In my professional life I work in human behaviour. I believe that self reflection is so powerful that I encourage my clients to keep a reflective journal, and I build reflection into the work I do.
Self reflection is an opportunity to learn about yourself and how you function within your life. I believe that every situation presents a learning opportunity. By reflecting on key moments in your day, your week, your life you are gaining insight into who you are. You are learning about what makes you tick. Your strengths, your skills, your weaknesses. You are learning about your thought processes, the triggers that set you off. All of these things are critical in developing emotional intelligence and confidence. They are all critical too so you can understand patterns of behaviour and cycles you have fallen into. You can use this information to make changes for the better in your life and shape your decision-making processes. This information can be used to bring wonderful and fulfilling relationships and opportunities into your life.
These are all very important things
Self reflection is a great tool to use for understanding your interpersonal relationships. Our interactions with family are the most complex. Family history creates patterns of behaviour, sets expectations and assigns ‘roles’ for each member. When we understand our part in all of this, we are able to make active changes to rectify wrongs, or just to start living a more authentic and honest life without the shackles of our history weighing us down, clouding our decision making and other relationships.
There is a very important point to make here though. Actually there are a few.
Self reflection is only effective in two ways.
1. If you are actually honest with yourself. Self reflection requires you to lay yourself bare. You must be courageous enough to call yourself on your imperfections. To admit when you stuffed up, admit your flaws. You absolutely must own your behaviour, your attitudes and beliefs.
2. If you use the information in a constructive and proactive way. Take what you have learned and think it through. Decide what you want to change and set goals to achieve that. Ongoing reflection will allow you to see how you are progressing. Don’t beat yourself up if you fall down, celebrate the positives, acknowledge when you have put your learnings into action.
Now, how do you do self reflection in a really good constructive way? I can help you out with that. It does not need to be complicated. It does not even need to be really heavy. I am a fan of keeping things simple, of keeping things real. I am a big fan of tailoring a process to suit you. This way you are more likely to use it and for it to be effective.
First of all get yourself either a notebook to write in or a computer to write on. Whatever floats your boat. I like to think I love hand writing in journals, because that is what I grew up doing. I can also make pretty doodles on pages. The reality is I can’t stand it. I am a fast touch typist and my brain seems to work as fast as I type, hand writing is not fast enough and I get overwhelmed with so much needing to be recorded and it not happening fast enough. So don’t think you lack ‘soul’ or anything like that if you prefer typing. It is what it is. The important thing is you are doing it.
Selecting a Reflective Model
Next up, get yourself a really good little self reflective model to use (also called Learning Cycles). Now there are quite a few out there. I can help you out here too.
There is the quick and easy. This is good if you are in a bit of a rush, or when you are seasoned at reflection, and are able to make more connections with your thoughts.
There is the more complex. I am a fan of Kolb’s Learning Models. I feel it ticks my boxes for being easy to use and able to provide opportunity for deeper thinking.
There are many variations to Kolb, and here are a few. Really they are all very much the same. What matters is finding one that resonates with you.
Reference
Finally, this is a sweet little reflective model that is great to use for a quick think, especially good when emotion is involved. Really good actually as it helps you step back for a moment. This is to help you separate your cognitive thoughts from your physiological and psychological. Asking what you need is to help you understand what needs to be done. It might be simple like getting a good night’s sleep. It might be complex like ‘I need to get legal advice’.
Asking the Right Questions
There are questions, and then there are the right questions. I don’t think people always understand the power of questioning. We spend a lot of our time using the basic frivolous ‘easy’ questions in our day to day.
When doing an exercise such as reflection each question must have an intention. Think about what you actually want to know, and construct questions that are meaningful.
Here is a little question bank for you to consider. You may alter the questions, but if you do you must ensure the essence is still the same.
Asking ‘why’. This is a good easy probing question. Use it like a mind map. When you get stuck ask yourself ‘why’ again and keep doing it until you get to the bottom of things. Just asking ‘why’does not work for everyone, if you are not having success try a different approach.
‘Has this happened before? When, how, what were the circumstances. What did you say/do’ etc
Clarify foggy detail – if something seems abstract, clarify. If you think ‘I always do this’. Clarify and focus on the detail – what is ‘always’ – be honest about this. How often has it happened? What are the circumstances? The use of the word ‘always’ is called ‘catastrophising’. It is destructive so you need to challenge the use of that word – always. Good clarifying questions to ask include ‘what actually happened?’ ‘How would others describe it?’ ‘What else has been considered?’
‘Is there another way of looking at this?’
‘If I woke up tomorrow and this had not happened at all, what would life look like?’ ‘What needs to happen to make this possible?’
‘What do I know about this?’
‘What don’t I know?’
‘What do I know for a fact?’
‘Do you believe this is true’
Reflective Practice
OK, we have our writing modem and our reflective model. We have learnt some good strong questions. What next?
Now you put it all together.
Reflection can be broad however what works well is to focus on specific situations. So when reflecting on your week focus on a particular situation that has happened. You can reflect on however many situations as you like, just do them one at a time. If you can build parallels and connections then great – you are onto something so dig deeper. If you can focus on the one situation at a time you will get a strong outcome. Focusing more broadly, for example – ‘how was my mood this week?’, can still work. What you would find though is you will naturally chunk it down. You will start thinking about specific days and times. Then compare these to identify a pattern.
Write down the situation. Try using this little tool to clearly define it:
Situation – Describe the situation, the setting, where were you
Action – What were you doing? What specifically happened?
Outcome – What was the result, how did you feel – identify the emotions and feelings. Identify any follow on actions.
Following your model, start with the first prompt and ask yourself a few questions about your situation. You don’t need to use every question I have put to you above. Just pick a few key questions. When you are satisfied with your reflection move on. If not then keep asking questions until you are satisfied.
If you are little way down the line, you will find yourself reflecting on a situation you have previously analysed and perhaps put steps in place for a behaviour change. Reflect on this. How does this situation compare to last time? Did you make the changes? How did it go? Then go back to asking yourself if there is anything else you could do differently.
When you have understood the situation. It is important to identify steps to make a change in your behaviour for next time. Take the time and identify small, simple steps you can take. This is key to reflection. Identifying, understanding, making changes when required.
Once you have done all of this, take the time for a big think about the process and how you are feeling – use the I think, I feel, I need tool if you want, that works well here too. Just give some thought to the work you have just done.
Very importantly here too is the one piece of advice I tend to use the most, ok not the only piece but one of them –
trust your instincts
Making an Action Plan
One of the things that can help you craft the steps you want to change is having an action plan. It is best to keep these simple so you are more likely to use it. When it is simple, you are also more likely to remember it on a subconscious level which will help you proactively put your changes into practice.
I have this little table you can use to help you create good action focused steps.
To identify a good area to focus on from your reflection. Think about what has jumped out at you. That is always a good starting point to set a goal.
In your reflection what has struck you the most, what has gone ‘pow!’ and jumped out of the page? Let’s see if we can turn that into a goal. No matter how abstract something is, you can turn it into a constructive goal statement. Sometimes it takes a bit of work to figure out. So, on a separate page, write your ‘pow’ item down. Now reword it so it is a goal statement.
A goal statement needs to contain an action which is clear and specific
It is important for goals to be effective that they contain specific, measurable, result focused and timely actions. That’s where having a little table can be helpful.
It all looks a bit massive really doesn’t it? Well if you are new to this it can be so take it step by step. You will find as you become familiar with the process that it becomes automatic. You won’t need to have all these prompts lying about for you to see. You will be able to sit with your thoughts, writing down only the things that are super important to you.
Reflection is a very personal task. As I have mentioned earlier in this piece, you need to find a process that works for you. There are no rules here, the information provided is here to simply assist you, give you something to think about. If it is helpful then I am pleased, if you have other ways you prefer to do things then that is just find too. I’d love to hear your thoughts and be here to answer any questions.
Happy reflecting…
There is the quick and easy. This is good if you are in a bit of a rush, or when you are seasoned at reflection, and are able to make more connections with your thoughts. 
There is the more complex. I am a fan of Kolb’s Learning Models. I feel it ticks my boxes for being easy to use and able to provide opportunity for deeper thinking. 
Finally, this is a sweet little reflective model that is great to use for a quick think, especially good when emotion is involved. Really good actually as it helps you step back for a moment. This is to help you separate your cognitive thoughts from your physiological and psychological. Asking what you need is to help you understand what needs to be done. It might be simple like getting a good night’s sleep. It might be complex like ‘I need to get legal advice’. 
I have this little table you can use to help you create good action focused steps.