I have always been a glass half full type of girl. I have for many years, made a point of turning things around, looking through a different lens, to find the opportunity in any situation. Figure out the lessons. Finding new pathways. That being said, some days things really get me down. I am prone to anxiety. Sometimes life gets so overwhelming it is hard to get your head above the water in that glass to check it is still half full. To see that things will be okay if you just remember to keep moving to stay afloat.
I make no secret of how hard this expat journey has been. I am an honest woman and I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed by my emotions and how I feel about things. I am the ‘say it as it is’ type, for the most part (ensuring diplomacy where required). So for anyone who follows my blog (which is really just a couple of friends and my mum) you would know that there have been good days and some very dark days.
The last six weeks or so have been extraordinarily challenging. It has felt like there was some great beast constantly on my back. It has felt like every time I have tried to turn things around, that this beast just got back on me and said ‘screw you, lets try and break you this time’. Well it nearly has. I have argued at great volume and length with SB, I have felt rampant jealousy of ‘his life’ which is vastly different to my own. I have felt withdrawn and physically withdrew from aspects of our new life. I have played my ‘home song’ repeatedly with tears streaming down my face. I have threatened to pack my bags and leave.
The thing with life is this. What you put into it, you get out of it. Kinda like with most things. There is that gravitational pull and it is up to you to change direction. So I can recognise the more sour aspects of my attitude that in part are influenced by the not so pleasant goings on. What I have needed to do is change my attitude a bit. Add a bit more sugar to the mixture, add a bit of sweetness and then balance it all out with a bit of water. This is the trick you see. Keeping it simple. Just like the recipe. Life cannot be only happiness, sunshine and cupcakes. If it were it would be boring, we wouldn’t grow, learn, experience. At the same time, life doesn’t have to be all sour, all doom and gloom either. It is about being able to step back from your situation and assess it for what it really is. Often times when you do this you can see there is actually balance in the mix. You just need to look for it. Then when you do you can start working on that head space to turn things around. Make things a little more positive, stir in a bit more water to dilute the emotional rollercoaster of life.
The last part of the quote about finding someone whose life has given them Vodka and have a party. Well, part of the journey of life is finding the people who compliment you, who can become your great friends. I have been finding out who they are in recent times, and I have to say life is a whole lot more fun when you can share the highs and the low with people who get you. Who celebrate with you and support your choices. I have always talked about the importance of surrounding yourself only with people who compliment you, who share your values, who accept you for you. That really is the cherry on the cake, or should I say the sugar in the lemonade. When you have all that fabulousness around you.