Today we took the children to the cinema for the first time ever. The movie we saw was Zootopia. No, I am not doing a review. It was good, stock standard Disney fair, made me cry with emotion – as they all do. The themes were fabulous and timely for the world we live in at the moment. The scene with the sloths made me think they researched life in The Philippines (specifically the supermarket checkout experience), to really nail it. Enough said on that.
The theme song is what got me. Shakira whose voice I love sings a gorgeous song you can dance to. I did, until the kids told me to stop. Then after I downloaded it I danced with Noodles in my loungeroom while the kids were swimming with their dad.
I digress. The song is called Try Everything. The words are great. Here is the first verse and chorus. Then it is pretty much on repeat.
I messed up tonight
I lost another fight
I still mess up but I’ll just start again
I keep falling down
I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what’s next
Birds don’t just fly
They fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wonI won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
Though I’m on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
Till I reach the end
And then I’ll start again
No I won’t leave
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
It struck a chord with me because it is powerful but also because one of my resolutions this year is to reclaim my life. To stop running on the runway, to actually take flight. To lift off. Have you ever wanted something so badly, yet had that rampant fear? For me it is a fear of failure and it is a bad-ass. There are times in our lives when that voice is louder. Usually when our confidence has been shaken up a bit already. Mine has. There is residue from a few things back home before we left. Then this past year I have seen a side to myself I don’t much like. It has come out from trying to adjust to this new life. I am on the other side of that now. Mostly. However as a result my confidence has taken a beating even more and I have felt quite vulnerable.
So what have I got going on at the moment to make me write about all of this? Well I have plans. Plans for my writing, and they mostly involve really taking a leap into a new direction so that I can move into a new career. One that is a bit more family friendly than my previous life’s work. Scary stuff.
Right now I am sitting at my laptop looking at a couple of jobs I have got to get done in the next few days. For whatever reason I have been thrown curve balls. My natural instinct is to run and hide and that is what I have been doing. You know what though, not anymore. Procrastination is just fear. Writers block is just fear. What matters most at these times is to be brave. Take a breath, listen to the words of your supporters, you know those ones who no matter what seem to tell you how awesome you are. Even when you feel like such a lowlife useless fool. Listen to them. They can see a side that is out of view to you just in this moment, but they speak truth. Well if you surround yourself with the right people, they do. Mine do generally so I am really counting on their words of encouragement to keep me in flight. To soften the fall when I trip, and I will trip because that is part of life.
I have spent a lot of years working on my fear of failure. To get to a point where I can say that failure is okay. I particularly love this little tidbit:
I actually believe it now. For many years I didn’t and my goodness did it hold me back. Now I don’t believe in having regrets but I have some just because of this.
I believe that information comes to you when needed, that things happen in the order in which they need to. I have woken up to my inner workings now we are living in this new life and I have given my inner self a good talking to. Believe me, there is nothing crazy about talking to yourself to sort your faffing out. I have done it for years and it works. I read recently it was a sign of genius. I like that.
No more excuses. If you want something bad enough you make it happen. This has been a mantra of mine for twenty years, it has never failed me. It is how I explain to friends, my insane ability to achieve an awful lot of stuff. Well I did, once upon a time. It is time for that Me to step back up to the plate and get back to business.
You are welcome to come on the ride with me.
Leap, and the net will appear.- John Burroughs