I only agree with part of this quote – the ‘enjoy life’part. I don’t agree with the ‘to be happy bit’. You see happiness is quite the stretch isn’t it. Nobody is happy all of the time. I feel a more appropriate word is ‘content’. By saying we are content we are saying we are okay with how things roll, we are okay when we are down and things aren’t going our way. We work our way through and come out the other end. We are saying we are okay when things are on the up and totally awesome. All that then, is ‘enjoying life’ isn’t it. Part of all of that life tapestry is happiness. I feel it just puts things in more of a realistic context.
This happiness ideal has grown legs in recent years, and believe me I love the concept. One of my favourite books is The Happiness Project. It gave me amazing inspiration for a few changes in my own life including starting mindful practice.
What I have also found fascinating is what people consider keys to happiness. So many of us use our fears and insecurities to place our emotional state on materialistic objects. ‘I will be happy when the house is all finished off’, ‘I will be happy when I have a new car’. The other issue is people placing their emotional needs on other people. Expecting that it is the other person/s whose job it is to make them happy. That is a lot of pressure for someone who is not you. It also sets you up for failure because you will invariably be let down. If you have not found a way to live a content and satisfying life on your own accord, then nothing external will help. It might act as a Band-Aid – it will be temporary. Ultimately in those quiet moments, the issues weighing you down will rear up again and you will wonder what has gone wrong. ‘Why am I not happy? What am I missing?’ You will question the fairness of it all.
Living here in Manila I don’t drive. This means I now have the luxury of looking out of the car windows and taking in all that is going on. The other day as we were headed out somewhere we were stopped at lights, or stuck in traffic – they both seem the same to me now. I looked out and I could see people on the sides of the roads. They were tending their little Sari-Sari’s, some were just sitting. There was one thing that stood out to me though. In this moment they had smiles on their faces. One elderly man engaged with another and as they talked the largest most beautiful smiles filled their faces. They seemed content. For me, to be ‘Content’, to say ‘I am content with my life’, is what I strive for. If I can do that I feel at peace that I am doing all I can to make the best of my circumstances.
How do I do this? How do I reach that goal of feeling ‘Content’ with how my life has been, is going, will be? For me I strive to live an ‘Intentional’ life. By ‘Intentional’ I mean striving to be the best version of myself. To be ‘Intentional’ means I actively reflect on my life, identify blockages, weaknesses and not so good habits. Then I put proper workable goals into practice to make positive changes. It is about being clear on my values and living those – without exception. It is about being authentic and most of all – honest. Honesty with myself and honesty with others. Being intentional is not putting on airs and graces, trying hard to not be driven by my insecurities and fears and becoming someone I am not. It is not trying to live a lifestyle outside of my means. That puts pressure on me and my relationships which is just not necessary. It is striving to accept not judge, to be always optimistic.
So how do I go with it all? So far I am ‘content’ with how I live my life. I look around me and I have the most amazing community of friends and wonderful family. I feel loved, supported and I feel free to share my successes and my failures with them all – I feel free to be myself, to be authentic. I have a wonderful husband, gorgeous children who are well balanced and secure (so far so good anyway).
I am not in any way even close to being my best self. What I can say however is that when I go to bed at night, I go to sleep feeling good about my life. Even when times are tough I know that I am doing what I can to get through in the best possible way. Regardless of how different things could have been if I had taken a different path, or made different decisions in the past – this is what I have in the here and now, this is my primary focus.
Yes I am content with that.
This is the most important thing.