resilience Archives

Letting Go

posted by saltybug.com 23/01/2015 0 comments

This week has been busy again and the emotional rollercoaster I am on just seems to be gathering momentum.

This week has provided me with the impetus to step back and reflect on the meaning of a few different things. I need to change my compass a little. Redirect my thinking and feelings. I don’t want to disregard my feelings, rather challenge them to make sure they are rational and not holding me back.

I am talking about the need for me to ‘let go’.

I realised it when hiding the toys from the children that I wanted to sell in my garage sale. I realised it when I lied to my FlutterBug about what I was doing. I realised it when the consultant from the shipping company gave us the options and the one most viable for us was getting rid of most of our possessions.

I can ask why we form attachments to things. For which there are many answers. I alluded to it previously when I spoke about how an item can hold such strong emotional memories. That’s it really isn’t it? Items represent pieces of me, of SandyBug, BusyBug, FlutterBug, of our wider family. Of our life together by the sea. A lot of what surrounds me too, is about the life SB and I had before the children came along. But is this indicative of happiness? This collection? Relics of past memories? Do they dictate how my memories present, their strength, how they feel? No they don’t. I am totally in control of that. I am in control of every decision I make, every feeling I feel, every thought I have. All mine. No one else to pass that on to.

So where does this leave me? I need to detach, I need to acknowledge that my belongings do not represent my happiness. No. My belongings do not define me. No. I am defined by me, my values, my actions. This is what living intentionally is about. It is about being true to who I am by the way I act. So here I am ready to get serious about this. I started some weeks back, but now it’s time to get on with it.

I need to be okay with this.

The main reason is for the children. When I told a friend about hiding the truth from the children she was stern with me. OK it was via text so my interpretation is all my own, but I choose to take it as a stern talking to because that is what I needed. She told me letting go was important for children because we cannot protect them from every disappointment and loss all their lives so we need to assist them in building resilience.

She was of course totally correct. How often, in the name of love, do we shield our babes from the harsh realities of life. Putting it down to ‘oh they are just so little now’. I know I underestimate my children’s capacity for understanding and processing information.

Resilience is the ability to adapt well to the challenges that life throws us. Reading about resilience in kids, I was looking at ten steps to help. I gave myself a pat on the back for all of them, except number ten itself. Which is accepting that change is part of living. While I advocate this philosophy throughout my life – personal and professional, I’m not sure I have supported the children enough to start learning its reality. I have talked with the kids about this over time, but I guess for me this is a real focal point now for this transition. I need to craft our dialogue and I need to teach the children ways to help them ‘let go’ and accept. In order to do this, I need to be ‘intentional’ and actually show this in action. I need to let go of our home here. By doing this, I am opening the door to a new happiness, a new life.

This got me thinking further about how the process for letting go is different for everyone. Some people like the bandaid approach – ouch! Others like the step at a time approach. Whichever way you like to approach change, what matters is that there is some sort of action on a consistent basis. You need to build momentum. There must be signs of consistent movement in the direction in which you want to go. That is change. That is letting go.

What am I finding the hardest to let go of? The artwork from the children. I am going to photograph it all, but I am a tactile person so for me being able to touch something brings special meaning. So I need to adjust my thinking. I get to touch my children every day. Each morning I run my fingers through their beautiful hair and kiss their little faces. They are more than the art they create.

So this is where we are at. Learning to really let go. In a way I never thought I’d need to consider.